When we were children, we relied on our parents for support, advice, discipline, and care every day. Even as we moved into adulthood or began to parent our own children, our parents continued to serve as a seemingly endless source of knowledge and information.
But what happens when our parents begin to age and need daily care themselves? This is unfamiliar territory for most of us, and that goes for both sides. The child must take up the role of caregiver, and the parent needs to learn how to receive care. It’s not an easy adjustment for anyone. At Heathwood Assisted Living, we’ve seen parents and children alike struggle to cope with this change. That’s why we put together this blog post. In it, we’ll discuss how you can better care for your elderly parents and help both sides adjust to their new roles.
Acknowledge the Change
We must face the facts: the parent you’ve known your whole life isn’t going to be the same person anymore. Whether their chronic condition comes with physical or cognitive limitations, the change may well be stark. They aren’t passing away, but they are, in essence, moving into another stage of life. It’s ok to mourn your loss and go through the grieving process.
Be Respectful When Communicating
Put yourself in your parent’s shoes for a moment. Tasks you breezed through for your entire life are now rather complicated. Your memory isn’t what it used to be; you’re confused about what day it is and what you’re meant to be doing – or you know exactly what you need and want to do, but you can’t force your body to cooperate. And now the child you raised is trying to step in and take care of the things you used to do for them. It’s only natural to feel helpless, embarrassed, or even angry.
Of course, taking care of someone else can be stressful. But responding to your parent’s emotions with impatience or anger will get you nowhere. Even in situations where you feel like you’re repeating yourself or not being listened to, lead with empathy. Remember that your parent is doing the best they can. Be as understanding as possible and be sure to keep a respectful tone of voice.
Set the Ground Rules
While you love your parent dearly, the idea of helping them shower probably doesn’t appeal to you. They also may not relish the idea of you having to help them with these activities. Try to discuss boundaries and desires beforehand so you can both express your feelings and learn what each of you is and isn’t comfortable with. This will make for a much easier time when it comes to the actual caretaking part, as each of you will have the same expectations. And if your loved one needs care that’s outside of what you’re comfortable doing, Heathwood Assisted Living is always standing by.
Plan for the Long Term
Let’s be perfectly honest: health care costs continue to rise, and there seems to be no end in sight. That’s why it’s extremely important to make a financial plan for caretaking that takes both the short term and long term into account. It may be best to seek the help of a financial advisor or similar professional in this case, especially if you’re in unfamiliar waters.
Seek Support When It’s Needed
Making sure you don’t become overwhelmed or burned out is always important, but it’s essential when you’re playing the role of caregiver to an elderly parent. Get support from friends and other family members when you need to vent or just talk to someone. Many people are now seeking support in online groups and forums, which can be immensely helpful since their members are going through similar struggles. No matter how good a relationship you had with your parents, there are bound to be new feelings during the caregiving process, so get whatever support you need to manage them.
Assisted Living That Feels Like Home
Speaking of support, Heathwood Assisted Living has been providing outstanding senior care and living to Western New York residents since 1978. Our collective desire to help others is our founding principle, and both residents and staff benefit from the nurturing environment that we’ve created here. We treat each resident with the respect and dignity they deserve as a human being for as long as they remain in our care. Our services include
assisted living,
enhanced assisted living, and memory care. We have locations in Penfield, NY and Williamsville, NY. If you’re caring for an elderly parent and looking for support, we invite you to get in touch with us to learn more or schedule a tour. We look forward to meeting your family!
